In The End.

Ever been in that place where you just want to fast forward and know that it will be okay, just to see that your dreams really will come true? For me, I have this idea that if I could fast forward to see my wedding day, to see that I get married and maybe I will see who I marry and maybe I will already know him, then I fast forward and see if I have kiddos, I also will see what I am doing for a career. That is my fast forward. I guess it is a lot like how little girls dream of their wedding day, the dress, the flowers, their makeup, their hair, the vows, and the type of cake. They dream of every single detail. In my fast forward, I would see all of these details. Sometimes I think that I could be at peace if I just knew what that fast forward consisted of. It would be nice, wouldn't it?

This makes me think of fate and destiny, and ultimately God's plan. I believe that if we are meant to be somewhere, we are going to get there, no matter what the path is. Honestly, there are an infinite amount of ways you could take to get somewhere. Some of those ways are easier than others, and some are faster than others, but in the end we get there, right? But it doesn't matter that we get there. What matters is that we grow along the way. Without that growth, we won't be strong enough to handle where we will end up. The most important part is to have faith in God's timing and God's plan. Wherever God takes you on this path, have faith, and remember that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Better yet, remember "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me," 1 Philippians 4:13. Remember this on the journey when things are making it seem impossible. Audrey Hepburn said "Nothing is impossible, the word itself says I'm possible!"

This brings up the age old thought of "If You Could Write a Letter To Yourself at Age 16 What Would It Say?" If I could, I think I would, just because then I would be able to stay clear of an obnoxious amount of pain. Or at least I would hope so. In this letter, I would give myself advice on self esteem, boys, friends, school and family relationships. I would tell myself that I am not a super model, I am not tall enough, but I am beautiful. I am not getting all of the attention from the boys, but it's probably a good thing, because the girls who do get the attention from them it isn't for the right reasons. I would tell myself that when my friends leave me, that I don't need a large group of people to be with but instead a small group of friends who I can feel great with because they truly know me. I would tell myself that school is not a joke. Don't sit on your butt doing nothing for so long that you have to scramble to get things together. Don't be afraid to take a chance either, and don't live life just for school, don't forget to have fun. I would tell myself not to let my parents bring me down as much. But most of all, to actually listen to my parents and take their advice. I would tell myself these things. And I wish that I could have been able to tell myself these things. 

Then I think, that's kind of like time travel, I could totally mess with the future if I did that. I know that right now, things aren't perfect, they aren't as bad as they've been before, and they aren't as great as they've been before, but I like where I am. If I could've told myself those things, I would have changed where I am today. Or I would have learned the lessons I am learning today in a much more difficult way. So maybe, in the end, it's a good thing I didn't get that letter when I was 16. In the end, everything will turn out just right. It will be the way it's supposed to be. In the end, you are right where you are supposed to be. The should have been's and the could have been's are just thoughts that will make us filled with anxiety. In the end, I am thankful for where I have been. I don't live with regrets because at one time, it was exactly what I wanted. I am thankful for the people who have torn me down, and I am thankful for the people who have built me up. Without any of the adventures I have experienced on this journey, I would not be who I am. And in the end, I like who I am.