Fresh out of high school, and trying to take on the world. It's a pretty confident statement, right. Well, that's my situation. I just graduated in June, and the only thing I can do is take on the world. As of June 15th, my high school graduation day, I was on top of the world. My family from across the country was with me, I had just graduated, I had great friends with me all day, I had my future planned out perfectly and I had my first true love with me. It seemed that the only way to go was up. In less than two weeks, the being on top of the world feeling came crumbling down. The first true love, well, he was gone. I had just returned from my Hawaii trip, and suddenly, my confidence was gone. I am not trying to say that I was in an unhealthy relationship with him that made me center my life around him. He truly was my first love, and I would give anything for him or to be with him, he was the one that I was able to talk about as though he put the stars in the sky. Imagine having to watch that walk out of your life and be unable to do anything about it? It is pretty tough. Loosing him was maybe a wake up call. It messed with me, and it taught me to see the glass as half full every single day, even on the darkest of days.
Many days were spent crying. I felt as though I couldn't even look through my house without seeing a reminder of him. It was much like the song "Goodbye Town" by Lady Antebellum. Honestly, that has become one of my favorite songs now, and it makes me want to leave this town. Looking back on it though, I hate that for the entire month of July was spent missing him. A part of me wants to redo that, but in retrospect, I don't regret that because I was finding who I am as I put the pieces back together. In August, there is an amazing meteor shower. Of course, Murphy's Law, Western Washington was cloudy that night. But I couldn't help but to wish I could be with him. I was so sad and moody that night, it was hard to talk to my parents. The next morning, I made a decision...
I was no longer going to let my sad feelings about him hold me back from the fun I could be having. I was no longer going to dwell on the what if's and the how it would be if he was still here's. Truly, it has been the best decision I have made in a while. Not going to lie, it's really difficult some days. But we crumble, and as we get to put the pieces together, we are building a masterpiece.
Confidence is key. I have started doing things that are just for me kind of things. I set my alarm in the morning with a cheerful song. It has been "Miracle Mile" by Cold War Kids for most of the summer. That way, I wake up to something cheerful everyday. I spend a lot of my time writing, not just for this blog, but for stories that I am working on for myself, I spend a lot of my time outside in the sun, and I am focusing on myself and my dreams. I start my day with a smile on my face and a positive thought in my mind. Every day is a new adventure. Every day is a new opportunity to find myself just a little bit more. For the first time in a very long time, I no longer am longing to have some kind of attachment to somebody. Also, when I feel defeated for whatever reason, I blast a song really loud to shut the rest of the world out. Some of the best songs for that are "Girl On Fire" by Alicia Keys and "Brave" by Sarah Barellies. "Girl On Fire" makes me feel like I can do absolutely anything, and I truly can take on the world. "Brave" makes me feel as though I can say how I feel and maybe see a change just from a few words that I say, it makes me feel that I can make a difference. I cannot wait to face the new adventure, every single day. From here on out, the glass is always half full.
Also, I feel as though this mindset is very fitting for living in the Pacific Northwest. We have many cloudy days, and I know that the dreadful cloudy weather is coming. But the truth is, even on a cloudy day, the sun is still shining. So now even when I feel like I am about to crumble and fall to pieces, I will just stand up straight and smile bright, because confidence is key.
~Always,
Just a girl, trying to take on the world.
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